Jake Berry Ellison – Independent Journalist

I’ve learned that I’ve made it 60 years not because I dodged the bullets. They just missed me.

I’ve learned that grief is complicated: I cried for weeks when my dog died, but I did not cry at all when my dad died.

I’ve learned that a few words scrawled on a small piece of paper can change your life: “Jake – Sure – Good stories – tell me when you get a file started – Bill Kittredge.”

I’ve learned that wars are not started by men who live in trailer houses and that “trailer houses” is not one word when it should be.

I’ve learned that when my father told me “Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see,” he was trying to keep me on the farm.

I’ve learned that my father understood that the rich will talk each other out of paying you a decent wage.

I’ve learned that the saying “Don’t run until you know where the rattlesnake is” is very good advice.

I’ve learned that even when your brothers and sisters run away in high school and stay away for years, they will come back and everyone will get drunk.

I’ve learned that books are not the only things I’ve read: I’ve read water and ice. I read kicks and punches. I read bothers and sisters. I read the sky. I read clouds. I read The Sun. I read work. I read engines and tires. I read pumps and pipes. I read irrigation ditches, creeks and rivers. I read sandstone, sagebrush and cactus. I read dark cavities. I read boys and girls: one for one thing and the other for another. I read dogs, porcupines and skunks. Mice. Cats. I read birds: swallows, robins, meadowlarks, hawks and owls and many others I don’t know the names of. I read guitars and cowboy hats. I read empty beer bottles on the floorboard of my pickup. I carefully read whiskey.

I’ve learned that we are like birds in a flock swarming the skies and that concepts are our sky.

I’ve learned that serendipity can be a variety of religious experience. On the No. 5 bus from Lake City Way to downtown Seattle, I was listening to a book. The author was explaining infinity through the thought experiment of the infinite hotel. The infinite hotel can accommodate an infinite number of guests. There’s always one more room. It was rush hour and the bus was already full. I’m standing chest-to-backpack, chest-to-backpack, holding the strap. The bus stops and more people get on. Then it stopped again and we riders groaned as one. The driver said, “We can get them on. Everyone take one step back.” Someone yelled, “We can’t take one more step back!” The drive said, “There’s always one more step back.” Lights flashed in my head, UFOs landed, a swirling disco ball burst to life. I became a completely free creature experiencing all of reality. … And then I went to work.

I’ve learned from reading the Bible that God is telling us on nearly every page that we have no idea what the hell is going on.

I’ve learned that religion carries its own argument against the existence of God. We can either have religion and no God, or God and no religion.

I’ve learned that phases of the moon are not caused by Earth’s shadow.

I’ve learned that the Devil lives under the ground, under your house and in the dugout cellar where the green beans, beets and potatoes are kept in milky jars.

I’ve learned that the President of the United States can really fuck up your life.

I’ve learned that giving up isn’t an option, unless you want to get trampled, bitten, kicked, lost, thirsty and hungry and not invited home for supper.

I’ve learned that poling a water trough around the slough amid the cattails is the closest I’m going to get to outer space.

I’ve learned that laughter is really why we’re all here.

I’ve learned that if you let someone tell you what to think, they will.

I’ve learned that a man with a free and open mind is still a man and will do all the very annoying things men have always done.

I’ve learned there are biological reasons why men don’t take care of themselves.

I’ve learned that you’ll likely never know if you are standing for something or falling for anything.

I’ve learned that I don’t really know what bad advice is.

I’ve learned that if you are trying to figure it out for yourself, you’re going to need help.

I’ve learned that I cannot speak for gay men or for women or for anyone who isn’t a cisgendered, heterosexual, white male named Jake Berry Ellison, Jr.